The following is a guest post from Elizabeth Middlebrooks, an East Tennessee native in the midst of planning her Jacksonville, Florida wedding. You may remember Elizabeth from her post on shopping for bridesmaid dresses. Like me, Elizabeth got a huge chunk of her wedding planning done way in advance, and today she’s going to share how she managed to do it and the stress she’s been able to save. So without further ado, here’s Elizabeth. [By the way, be sure to follow her on Twitter @emiddleb!]
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I thought wedding planning was supposed to be difficult. I read an embarrassing number of wedding blogs, and so many of the posts I see are from or about brides dealing with the stress of wedding planning, plus their everyday work/life obligations. A handful of my friends who’ve gotten married recently spent a fair amount of their planning time fretting about one thing or another. So when I started my planning, I tried to mentally prepare myself for the stress to come.
So now that we have about 95% of the wedding planned (seven and a half months in advance…really), I’m wondering about all the stress I was expecting but never experienced. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty happy that I haven’t had any breakdowns or worried about juggling planning with the rest of my life, but part of me worries that I’ve missed something along the way.
Of course, I had a few moments of THIS IS SO HARD, but one of those moments was over The Dress, and the other was over some sticky family situations.
(And I just need to rant for a second: My tiny breakdown over The Dress came largely because I had my heart set on one dress, and while a couple stores had a sample, they only had a size 2 and a size 4. I’m not one of those skinny-people-have-it-so-easy girls, but seriously, if I’m considering dropping almost $2,000 on a dress, I want to put it on. It doesn’t even have to zip, but I just want to be able to wear it. Is it so much to ask that stores work with designers to either get samples that will fit more people or get two samples — one bigger, one smaller? I guess so, but a girl can dream. Needless to say, I didn’t get that dress. I still found an amazing dress, AND it was on sale. What more could I want?)
So I how did I avoid the stress that seemed so inevitable? I think it was a combination of a few things.
1. I’m not afraid to make decisions, so when I make up my mind, that’s that. My fiancé has also been really involved in the planning process, and even though we have very different tastes, we’re good at making decisions together. It also helps to feel like I’m not the only one who’s planning this thing. He’s definitely done his fair share, checking on things with vendors or giving me feedback on my ideas.
2. I also have a crazy work schedule that I’ve made work to my advantage. I work nights (including Saturday nights…the injustice!) at a newspaper, so even though I sleep through most mornings, I’ve been able to use some of those days to meet with vendors or work on projects. I really think that being able to do the bulk of the planning on weekday mornings, when most places aren’t super busy, has been one of the biggest advantages in the whole process. I realize that a normal work schedule doesn’t always allow for lots of weekday planning, but like Nicole has written before, you can use your lunch break for a little extra planning time.
3. But the biggest thing that’s helped me keep calm and carry on: I regularly remind myself that this is just one day. Granted, it’s an important day, but it’s one day. We’re focusing on the excitement of being married and the honeymoon and life after wedding. We’re still putting a lot of effort and time and money into making the day awesome, and while we’re looking forward to the food and the party and having fun, focusing more on our marriage rather than our wedding helped us focus less on decorations and favors and little things that people (including us, to be honest) might forget.
That said, even though we have a lot of planning out of the way, I’m worried that I’ve missed something. I have a couple projects planned (escort card display, guest book) that will wait until closer to April, but otherwise, everything is done. Should I not be this far ahead of the game? I’ve avoided planning stress, but what about post-planning stress? I realize I sound kind of ridiculous (“My planning process has been so fun and easy WOE IS ME.”), but I’m afraid The Big Day will come around and I’ll be thinking “Oh I wish I did this, that or the other.”
Has anyone else experienced this? Did you force unnecessary projects on yourself or just embrace the ease of the process? Also, I’m interested to know how involved the guys are getting in the process and how that’s helped/hindered your planning. What are your tips for making wedding planning as stress-free as possible?
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m with you! I got engaged in May and I’m almost completely finished planning. Our wedding isnt until April!
I had the same touchy issues with you with family in regards to the guestlist and I too fretted over my wedding dress but other than that it has been a very easy and fun experience. Wait. Confession time. The first week that we were engaged, I would go into a full out anxiety time (hypervenilation and all) anytime someone even mentioned planning. I tend to be VERY indecisive and detail oriented. I decided I wasn’t going to suffer from anxiety attacks for the next 11 months. I made up my mine that this would be a blissful experience and I wouldn’t allow myself to get all bridezilla-ish.
My main methods of staying stress free was to study study study before meeting with the vendors so that I had a clear understanding of what to expect from their services and how far my dollar could get me. That way I was well informed and ready to make an educated decisions when the time came. It also cut down on my vendor meetings.
My other tip is to pay somebody else to do it if you can. I love DIYing it but trying to DIY an entire wedding is asking for trouble! Pick your poison wisely.
Yes yes yes! ESPECIALLY on that last tip. I’m only planning to make my escort card display. When I started planning, I was all gung-ho about DIY, but I’ve stopped feeling guilty about paying someone else to do stuff for me. I realize I’m lucky to have a budget that allows me to do that, but I’m not going to worry about stuff if I don’t have to.
I also did a lot of research before meeting vendors, which not only helped me narrow them down but helped me get a better idea of what I wanted. If I could walk into an appointment and say “this is what I’m after” and they didn’t get it or tried to push me in another direction, it was easier for me to get out of there.
Elizabeth,
Thanks again for guest blogging! I did exactly what you did — got everything done months and months in advance. I pretty much had everything booked by March (and my wedding is in November). However, now that I’m 2 months out, I’m starting to feel the stress. There is a lot of little stuff to think about (ceremony programs, escort card displays, ring pillows, table numbers, guest book, etc, etc, etc), and my budget is not big enough to buy certain things or hire someone to do them, so I have a ton of DIY still to do. Plus, because a chunk of the cost is coming out of my pocket, I’m starting to feel the stress of wondering whether or not I will be able to afford certain things (like that dessert table I’ve been lusting after since he popped the question)…so that’s where a lot of my stress comes from. But I’m trying to keep my cool and tell myself the same thing you’ve been saying, “it’s just ONE day” : )
I’m glad I’m not alone : )
I think the stress will make an appearance when we start sending off final payments for things. We’re also paying for the shindig ourselves, so we’ve cut out some things and scaled down here and there to make sure we get the big things we really want. It’s still really overwhelming when I have thoughts like “this would be a down payment on a new car” or “this could pay for the kitchen counters we really want”, but as long as I don’t purposely make myself crazy, it’s OK.