Ok, so before I start this post, I feel like this is kind of a rant, but it’s also an issue I’m sure many (if not all) brides and grooms struggle with, so here goes…
Every once in a while, Michael and/or I run into someone, somewhere around town (or on Facebook) who assumes they’re going to be invited to our wedding. And while I’d love to invite the entire world to my wedding, the ceremony venue only sits 110, each reception guest drives my bill up another $35 or so, and hey — we’re on a budget! We just can’t afford to invite someone Michael was friends with in 3rd grade and hasn’t seen since or someone I haven’t seen since I moved to Tennessee (6 years ago), ya know?
But I find myself wondering what to say to these people. Part of me wants to flip out and and say something along the lines of, “I haven’t seen you in 6 years, WHY would you think I’d want you at my wedding?!”…but I, of course, restrain, and try to be polite, explaining that while we would love to be able to invite more people, our venue just can’t fit any more. It really seems to be the best way out, and hey — it’s not a lie! We’ve found that it’s important to stick to our guns and know that we just can’t add any more people, but it’s hard…
Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do?
*Image credit: dealbreaker.com.
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This was a huge deal for me. Five months later I still think about and fret over the uninvited. Yet, the facts are you will never make everyone happy.
Our original guest list was 800 people. That threw me into a panic mode, so we down-sized to about 200. This is big for some people, but was quite small for us! When people talked about the wedding I would always talk about deciding to do a smaller wedding. Most people, especially if they have planned a wedding, understand and move on.
Thanks for the comment, Leslie! It’s nice to hear from someone who has already been through it. 800 people — wow! Ours was originally about 200, but we cut it down to 125 and a maybe list, so we’re planning to start inviting “maybes” as we get some no’s back (a lot of my family is in NJ and will not be able to travel)…so we’ll see. Sadly, L&N’s veranda (our ceremony location) only sits 110, so we’re trying to make sure a good portion of our guests have seats for the ceremony.
You must have seen my tweet :)
We’re keeping our wedding pretty small (about 100 people, give or take maybe 15-20), but I have a huge family, so I can employ those lines when people ask if they’re invited. I’ve also refrained from talking about wedding stuff too much at work and try to shut down the conversations when they happen around a lot of people. I’ve also tried to just give a general “it’s next spring” when people ask what the date is and hope they get the hint.
But what I don’t get is someone (especially someone you’re not that close with) not only ASSUMING they’re invited but actually saying “I better be invited!” The person who put me on the spot with that actually did the same thing to my BFF, who’s also getting married soon. I’ve perfected the smile and nod response (I don’t have the heart to just say “Well you didn’t quite make the cut!”), but I have a hard time when the inquiries come via e-mail/Facebook/Twitter. Where are people’s manners?!
I agree! I guess it’s people who aren’t married yet and have NO clue how much (money) goes into a wedding. It’s frustrating though! We run into people now (8 months after we’ve been engaged) who just now are telling us congrats, and then they ask us to be invited. I just don’t get it! If you didn’t even know we’re engaged until now, you probably didn’t make the cut…I’m sorry!
We send our invites out in October and I’m so worried that we are going to have people RSVP with dates and such and I’ll have to call and explain. Yikes.
The way we’re doing it is addressing the invites to actual couples (regardless of how long they’ve been together). For single people, we’re going to address it to the individual and hope they understand. However, if someone really pushes to bring a date, I’m just going to let them have it. I want my wedding to be fun for everyone, so I feel too bad saying “no” to dates. Instead, I’m just going to hope for the best, and if I have a few more people than the 110 the veranda sits, then some people will just have to stand I guess. It’s definitely a difficult situation though! How are you drawing the line?
I hate to do it but we really have no choice. I am adding a line on our RSVP cards that read ” seats have been reserved in your honor.”
Couples- living together, a year or more dating, engaged or married are all invited as couples. My bridal party are invited with “and guests”. Any other single friends are invited solo. The only exception- my friends from Cali and Canada because I don’t want them to have to travel alone if they do decide to come. And because we are having a minglling reception- dance/dessert (small and “pick-up-able”), we are already only providing table and chair seating for about half the guests. There will be chairs along the wall and on the porch. But no room to squeeze in extra guests.
Makes sense :)
A friend of mine was so worried about this that she has been planning her wedding underwraps. Her facebook says that she is still in a relationship, even though the wedding is just a few months away. I suppose she’ll tell everyone once the pictures are up!
My FI and I are being very strict, if we have never met them, they’re not invited. We’re trying to keep it reasonable, especially since both of our families have huge families.
Sucks that she has to be so secretive! But I completely understand…it’s so stressful to not be able to invite everyone that wants to come, but you’d think they would understand, ya know?
Luckily, Michael and I have fairly small families, it’s more friends and acquaintances that are hard to draw the line on. But we said, if they haven’t tried to hang out with us in the past few months, they’re out. That was the easiest way to make the cut…