For the last couple weeks, Michael and I have been going to premarital counseling. We initially decided to do it because the state of Tennessee gives you $60 off your marraige license if you do, but we both found ourselves pretty nervous before our first session. However, I must admit that we’ve been pleasantly surprised! And now we’re going around recommending it to every engaged couple we know.
Here’s why:
1. It strengthens your relationship. Every time Michael and I leave counseling, we have this warm fuzzy feeling about each other. It’s because we talk about why we love each other, but we also discuss problems, and then our counselor helps us determine the solution to them. We both leave feeling equipped with new information about each other and how we can continue to grow as a couple.
2. It helps you prepare for marraige outside of the actual wedding. The wedding is one day, remember? And then, you’re both stuck together for the rest of your lives. Life is never going to be easy, but premarital counseling can help you both acquire the tools to get through it together.
3. It sets expectations. What are your thoughts on children, finances, religion, marital roles, sex, social activities, etc., etc., etc. after you’re married? Have you talked about them with your fiance? Premarital counseling makes you talk about all of your values and beliefs and put them out on the table before you’re married. If you don’t know your fiances preferences now, they might be a marriage-ender later.
4. It opens up the lines of communication. Michael and I have been pretty good communicators all along (we’re both Italian so the silent treatment isn’t something either of us is really capable of), but counseling teaches us how best to communicate. Plus, adding that un-biased third party in there really helps.
5. It teaches you how to resolve conflict. Conflict is inevitable. Wouldn’t you rather it be as harmless as possible?
6. It gives us a positive attitude about counseling in general. Michael and I are both not really the type to seek counseling, but the truth is that often, people need it! Getting comfortable with premarital counseling means that we’ll both be willing to accept marital counseling if we need it down the road.
With the divorce rate so high, I’d rather do everything I can to make sure my marraige lasts. Are you going (or considering to go) to premarital counseling? What are your thoughts about it?
*Image from Joe Houghton. Used under Creative Commons.
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Thanks for this post, Nicole! The fiance and I have talked about doing counseling, too, but we haven’t decided if we will or not. Florida also gives a marriage license discount if you do it, so that’s kind of an incentive. I’m all for it if we decide to do it, but I think he’s worried it’s going to be the “how does that makes you FEEL?” kind of counseling. I’ve heard that it can also address really practical stuff, too, and that’s what I’m really interested in: What are we missing that we haven’t already talked about? We’ve talked about a lot of things like money, kids, religion, etc., and we agreed that if we need marriage counseling (separate or together) we’ll encourage each other to do it, but I don’t think doing the premarital thing would hurt either.
Maybe hearing about other people’s experiences will encourage us, though, so this post might be helpful : )
Hey Nicole! love your blog! Who did you guys go to for your counseling? We’re looking into it but are not interested in the group sessions. Thanks girl!
Thanks, Brandy! We actually went to Cedar Springs Church off Cedar Bluff. Our friends’ dad is a pastor there so he did it for us :)
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