The Planning Talk: 3 Tips to Make Your Day Special for Both of You

When 5 of my own bridesmaids got engaged within months of each other (literally!), I ended up hearing the same question pretty often – “where do I start?” A large majority of us have never planned a wedding before, so the idea of planning an event that all of your friends and family will attend can be very overwhelming and scary. So where do you start?

Well, it just depends. Obviously you need to know how many guests you are planning on inviting, and you need to find a venue that can accommodate your date as well as guest count. Those are the biggies. How do you know how to answer those questions though? That’s where “The Planning Talk” comes in. After Mike proposed and I said yes, I pretty much already knew the kind of vibe I wanted the wedding to have: low-key, laid-back and fun! I was not prepared though, for him to already know what kind of vibe he wanted the wedding to have. He started giving me his ideas and describing what he had envisioned for our big day. Not going to lie here… I was shocked! The conversation that followed went something like this: “You mean, you care? Like really care? I thought you were just going to nod your head and smile for the next nine months!”

I mean, I wanted his input because it was his wedding too, but I had the planning skills and the style and the girl smarts and, and, and he was a boy! This is where I had a little bit of a bridezilla moment (I have decided you are allowed up to 3 of those, but that’s another post for another time). Before even trying to understand where he was coming from, I immediately got defensive and pulled the “I have been planning this since I was a little girl” card. And he immediately shut me down with, “Oh come on, you really expect to me to deal with you being bride-crazy for the next 9 months and then just show up to a wedding that I had no say in?”

Point well made, counselor (he is a lawyer). That was when I decided that I needed to really find out what was going on in that head of his because, if he thought I was going to let him pick the linens or flowers, he was out of his darn mind. We used the next few steps to help us make sure that our wedding was just that in every sense – OUR wedding:

1. Create Your Top 3

Both of you create independent lists of your top 3 priorities for the wedding then compare them. Ours ended up being very similar – good food, great party and the ability to invite as many guests as we wanted. Those lists were so helpful because it allowed for each of us to know what the other’s priorities were. We both felt heard.

2. Go Through the Calendar Together

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Choosing a date can be either very fun or very stressful. Either way, make sure you are on the same page with the date and pick one that fits in to both of your schedules. When we were wedding planning, I was teaching and didn’t want to take time off during the school year because of how it would affect my students. Mike was in his last year of law school, so he had to make sure that the wedding was after he was done with studying for and taking the Bar. That left us a 4 week window in August to do the bachelor and bachelorette parties, the wedding and the honeymoon. It was a squeeze, but we knew that schedule would work for both of us so we didn’t stress about the timing and just made it happen.

3. Find Out What Decisions He Wants to be Included on

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Don’t make the mistake I did and automatically assume that, when he says he cares, he wants control. After talking to my now-hubby about what was important to him, I found that he really wanted the opposite of control. He was fine with me making most of the decisions because he trusted my judgment, but that was after he knew that I understood what was important to him. He definitely wanted a say in the food, as I mentioned before, and surprisingly he definitely had a certain type of music in mind for what would be played during dinner. He also knew he didn’t want to wear a tux. That was pretty much it. Once I understood that, I felt good about all of the decisions I made because I was able to honor his wishes and pretty much get what I wanted at the same time.

What steps will you and your fiance take to make your day about the two of you?

About Julie Cremata

Born and raised in Orange County, Julie is a true California girl who now lives in San Diego with her husband and cuddly pooch, Marge. After she finished planning her own wedding, five of her bridesmaids got engaged within a year of each other so she has quickly become an expert in destination weddings, bridal showers and bachelorette parties. Julie is a marketing analyst for a SD based marketing firm and an avid scrap booker and crafter extraordinaire. She and her hubby love to travel to fun cities and seek out good food…preferably at the same time!

2 Comments on The Planning Talk: 3 Tips to Make Your Day Special for Both of You

  1. destination bachelorette parties
    June 12, 2014 at 12:39 am (1 year ago)

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